Jealousy is a monster
by marzip
Summary: Lily likes James but does he feel the same way?
1. Chapter 1

I was sitting in the corner of the Common Room sipping a Butterbeer. Gryffindor dad just won the Quidditch Cup so naturally there was a party. I looked around and saw Mary MacDonald talking to Remus Lupin and Marlene McKinnon was talking to Sirius Black. Remus and Sirius were part of the Marauders, a group of four rowdy pranksters, the other two were Peter Pettigrew and James Potter. I scanned the room for the last two and saw Peter talking to Frank Longbottom and his fiance Alice Prewett. Alice was the only girl Peter could talk to without being scared. Probably because Alice just had that aura about her. Everyone loved her. I looked to see where James went. He was the captain of our team so naturally he was well liked. We however had a history and not a real good one at that. He had repeatedly asked me out, went out of his way to talk to me, pulled nasty pranks, hexed random people for no reason, and constantly infuriated me. Well he used to, now that we entered our seventh year he had matured. He became nice, sweet, smart well he had always been smart, funny, and extremely mature. Gone were the days when he hexed people for fun. I guess becoming head boy really did do something.

I was head girl so patrolling was at first a chore but now was like hanging out with a best friend. I of course had fallen for him though the only four people who knew were Mary, Marlene, Alice, and Remus. Remus had always been my friend probably because he was the most mature from the start. I had told my four friends and they all smiled and said to tell James. I of course refused because I knew he didn't like me anymore and I had lost my chance. They of course repeatedly reminded me of this crush all the time. I was constantly blushing around him when they did this though he never noticed. Sirius found it a game to see how red I could go before James joined our conversations. Not my favorite thing in the world.

I scanned the room and saw James talking to some blonde bimbo in sixth year. I sighed noticing them flirting. I took my eyes off of them and looked at my butterbeer. I no longer wanted it so I vanished it. I felt tears in my eyes so I got up and left the common room. I knew no one wold really go to find me since it was a party so I could slip out without being noticed. I went to an empty classroom and took out a few different objects. I sat there practicing different transfiguration spells. I finally gave up and sat on the floor and let the tears pour. Why did I have to be jealous when I saw him with another girl? Why did I have to be stupid and not say yes years ago? Why was I so stubborn? The questions swirled in my head and I continued to cry. "Ms. Evans?" a voice said startling me. I looked up to s Dumbledore standing near me.

"Yes Professor?" I asked.

"You should join in the festivities" he smiled. "Don't you fret about Mr. Potter. Just go have fun." I nodded and left the room. I walked back into the Common Room and grabbed a butterbeer. I walked over to a secluded corner and sat down. I looked around and saw James talking to the other Marauders. I smiled a little happy that he wasn't with someone else. Remus caught my eye and smiled. I smiled back and saw the others' eyes drift to me. I instantly looked away blushing not wanting to say anything. I had said congrats to James and the rest of the team but James had basically ignored me. I felt the tears again but I wiped them away. I didn't want to cry right now not when I knew that there was eyes on me.

"Hey girl" Mary said walking over with Marlene.

"Hey" I smiled slightly.

"What's wrong?" Marlene asked. I opened my mouth to protest but hse cut me off "You vanished your buttterbeer, walked out of the room, came back in with a tear-stained face, looked up at the guys but blushed and looked away about to cry when James looked at you. There is something wrong."

"Alright" I sighed. They knew me way too well. "I just saw him with some blonde witch and I hate it. I felt jealous ok? I didn't like the feeling so I decided I was going to leave for a while and calm down. I didn't think anyone really noticed I was here in the first place."

"Uh what do you mean you thought no one would notice you? Everyone's eyes were on you whether it looked that way or not. Especially James'" Mary said winking at me.

"Oh yea that's why he was flirting with that blonde witch. In case you didn't realize it I was watching him the entire time and he was with her. Are you guys that thick?" I said standing up my temper rising. "I'm going to be" I said putting down my butterbeer and storming away from them. I walked towards the stairs that led to the girls' dorms. I however was blocked by the Marauders.

"Why hello there flower" Sirius said in a voice that was way too cheery for my liking. I looked at him and gave him a growl which shut him up.

"Well you don't sound too happy" James said smiling slightly. I turned to him and glared.

"Go back to your bloody girlfriend and get out of my face" I snarled. My eyes becoming slits so the tears that were threatening to fall didn't.

"I don't have a girlfriend" he blinked confused.

"Oh yea that's right you just play with every girl's heart to get them to fall for you and when they finally do you drop them. You really don't get it do you?" I said the tears starting to fall. I pushed past them and started to run to the stairs.

"LILY!" James screamed grabbing my arm and spun me around. "What are you talking about? What is wrong? Did I do something wrong? If I did I want to know so I can fix it."

"You really can't figure it out?" I asked incredulously and he shook his head. I took a deep breath and slammed my lips against his. I felt him go rigid not expecting and I felt the tears again so I pushed him away and ran up the staircase knowing that he couldn't get me. I knew that he would be standing there confused and slack jawed.


	2. Chapter 2

I was in my bed pretending to sleep when the girls came up to check on me. I was thinking about what had happened. I just kissed James Potter and screamed at him in front of the entire Common Room. I showed him how much I truly cared yet I ran away. I was afraid. After all he never did stay with a girl for very long and he hadn't been with anyone since halfway through last year. But why should that make a difference. I had completely fallen for him. He finally won but he didn't care anymore. He didn't want me. He'd matured and he probably wanted that blonde girl. The one every guy wanted and the one that I knew James had already gotten. I hate this feeling of jealousy it's a monster. I fell aslepp that night hours after the girls had come back from the party. I had cried myself to sleep and ended up with nightmares. I was tossing and turning to thoughts of James with the blonde girl. It hurt and I didn't sleep well. I woke up that morning feeling terrible. I hadn't sleep very well or very long. I saw that no one else was up but I got dressed anyway and went down to breakfaset. I walked into the Great Hall and saw barely anyone was there but Remus was sitting at the Gryffindor table. I walked over to him and sat down while grabbing myself some food.

"Hey Lily. How are you feeling?" he asked me taking in my disheveled and exhausted appearance.

"Hey Remus. I feel terrible. I got barely any sleep last night" I sighed.

"Well do you want to talk about it?" he asked and I smiled slightly. I was always thankful for such a good friend and I knew that I could tell him anything. He was like my brother.

"Well I saw James flirting with some girl and it bothered me because he didn't even acknowledge that I was there last night but he had the nerve to talk to her. I got jealuos so I left for a while and practiced some spells until Dumbledore sent me back to the Common Room. I talked to the girls a little before getting up to go to my room. And then...well you were there for the next part."

"He doesn't have a girlfriend. The only girl he ever talks about is you – and don't give me that look ask Peter or Sirius if you don't believe me. The reason he ignored you was because he couldn't hear you. When we asked him later why he didn't say anything to you he instantly started looking for you. That girl knew where you were and was flirting with him because she didn't want him to find you. He saw you leave the Common Room and was going to follow but we held him back. Oh and you do realize that he is highly confused right now. He thought that you didn't like him."

"Is he really that oblivious?"

"Um...I guess so. I don't understand how he could've missed it since he notices everything about you."

"What am I supposed to do Remus? He didn't kiss back last night so that was enough to show that he doesn't-"

"You do realize that he was still under the notion that you hated him right? He didn't kiss back because he was surprised as was everyone else except well...you know. He would've if you gave him the chance instead of running off crying" he said looking at me but I wasn't looking I was staring at my plate. "What are you afraid of?"

"He doesn't stay with girls very long Remus. He's considered a player. He's one of the hottest most sought-after guy in the entire school. He's the captain of the best quidditch team in the entire school. He's one of the smartest people in the school when he actually applies himself and isn't showing off. What is there not to be scared of?"

"He never stay long with other girls because he has his eyes only on you ever since first year on the train. They were like a distraction for him since he couldn't have you. He really cares for you and he matured because I told him what you told me the middle of last year. I told him that you'd go out with him if he stopped being arrogant, cocky, if he stopped hexing people, and if he started taking school more seriously. He stopped being a player and stopped going out with girls. He wanted to impress you. That's the only reason that he did all of those things. He made sure he asked you out a thousand times..."

"Actually it was 2,476 times" I said cutting him off.

"Alright he asked you out 2, 476 times in the most annoying way so that he could have your attention. He bullied Snivellus because he was jealous that you gave a death-eater more attention than him. He craved your attention and he didn't know any other way to get it rather than that" he smiled "Oh and really have you been counting?"

"I've always counted" I said sheepishly "I always fancied him a little bit but I refused to go out with him because I thought it was a only a crush and because he was arrogant and a bully..."

"There's something else isn't there?" Remus said.

"Well...Snape doesn't like him and I didn't want to ruin my friendship with him so in a way you could say that he brainwashed me..."

"Why don't you just talk to James?"

"After last night? Are you crazy?"

"I am best friends with James and Sirius" he pointed out making me laugh. I looked towards the entrance of the Great Hall and saw James walking in with Sirius. "You're staying here by the way" Remus whispered.

"What?" I hissed "He probably doesn't even want to see me!" Remus smiled at me but didn't comment. I looked down at my food taking a sudden interest in my waffles.

"Hello Remus! And oh look! It's our very own Lily-Flower!" Sirius cried happily.

"Hey guys" Remus said and then elbowed me making me jump a little.

"H-hey g-guys. F-fancy s-seeing y-you h-here" I stuttered earning shocked looks from James and Sirius but a huge smile from Remus.

"You seem awfully nervous Lily" Remus smiled and I shot him a glare. I was about to stand up but Remus said "Sit" in a very stern voice that shocked us. I nodded and sat back down.

"Wow and I thought I was the dog" Sirius commented.

"I'm not one to mess with Remus. I'm not stupid" I replied simply still not taking the chance of looking at James.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked angry all of a sudden.

"Remus is amazing with spells he knows all the ones that I do."

"Well so do James and I" Sirius protested while James glared at him for dragging him into it.

"Well Remus has a little more tact than the two of you...no offense James...which makes him a lot more of a threat." I replied and smiled slightly at James who smiled back. I noticed how nervous he was which didn't seem to make sense. Since when was he nervous. I shot him a questioning glance but he just smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

We continued our conversation at breakfast until James hissed "Oh crud hide me!" We all looked to where he was looking and in skipped the blonde girl into the Great Hall. I thought she was his girlfriend but I guess I was wrong. Why would he want to hide from her.

"Why don't you and Lily do your Potions homework together" Remus suggested I was about to protest but Remus sent me an evil look so I just nodded. I stood up and offered my arm to James who took it gladly. We walked passed the blonde girl and I saw her angry, jealous face. I just smiled at her and kept walking. James and I grabbed our homework and went to the library. We worked in silence for most of it. We exchanged only a few words mostly about what we were working on.

We were bent over our essays. I looked up at James and noticed that he was really cute when he was working and being studious. He didn't notice that I was staring at him so I looked over his essay when he looked up. "It's moonstone James. Honestly where did you get that quill?" I said trying to ease the tension.

"Crud! I knew Sirius did something to my quill" he said making me giggle. I smiled and took his essay.

"Here I'll fix it for you" I said and started tapping my wand on his essay changing the spelling of all the incorrect words. After a while it was finished and I noticed that he was still staring at me intently. "What?" I ask him.

"Oh...it's nothing..." he said looking down at his essay "Thanks by the way. I'm not the best at potions so this means a lot to me."

"I don't mind. I'm glad I can help James. So question..."

"Sure what's up?"

"What's with you and that blonde sixth year?"

"Oh you mean the one I was hiding from earlier?" he asked and I nodded "Well I was looking for you last night at the party because I didn't realize that you had said congrats to me for winning and she said she knew where you were...you know you should stop hiding in the corner...anyway she said she knew where you were. I asked if she could tell me but she just started flirting with me. Turns out she's a giant tramp that wants to have sex with every guy in this place. She's jealous because I want you and that I don't have sex because I want to wait for you..." at this last part I looked up and saw how red he had gotten. This last part was surprising. I always thought that he had sex with every girl. I guess I was wrong turns out that he really wasn't that much of a player.

"James! That's so...sweet..." I smiled "and I have a confession...and I hope that you're not mad..."

"I can't be mad at you Lily."

"Alright...well...I always thought that you weren't a virgin..." I said not looking at James "I'm sorry...it's just that you were always with all these girls and they always talked about all the stuff you guys did..."

"They lied?" James asked getting angry now. My head shot up and I was afraid. "The most I ever did was a snogging session." I looked back down at our forgotten potions essays and sighed in what sounded to be relief. "Lily I'm not mad at you." I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him when we heard a huge bang. We both jumped to see Sirius, Peter, and Remus standing there. By the looks of it Peter had dropped a book and Sirius tried to hide behind the bookcase. "You guys do realize that you aren't sneaky in the least bit right?" James said sighing.

"Sorry mate we were just coming to join you guys with Potions but you were about to kiss Moony and I were going to hide but then Wormtail ended up dropping his books so you guys heard us and turned around" Sirius said quite calm. "You know Prongs I never thought I'd see the day that you and Ms. Evans would be kissing."

"Oh really Sirius?" I said smiling wickedly causing the guys all to look a little frightened. I turned back to James and pushed our essays out of the way. James raised his eyebrow at me but I continued to smile. I leaned over the table to where he was and kissed him. He stiffened up for a split second but then leaned into the kiss. I felt electricity shoot through me and I melted. I had kissed guys before but it was never like this. It was in this moment that I knew what bliss truly was.

"Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter! This is a library not a broom cupboard! Either stop snogging or leave this instant!" screamed Madam Pince. The two of us jumped apart with red cheeks. I hadn't thought that we would get in trouble. I heard laughter and I saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter laying on the ground clutching their sides. "And you three!" Madam Pince screamed "Get out of here if you're going to be loud like this." With that she stormed away.

"I think we'll leave you two alone" Sirius said and the other two nodded. They turned and left while I watched them go shaking my head.

"You know I didn't think you would actually do that" James said smiling.

"Hey I need a book from the back do you wanna help me get it?" I asked.

"Um...yea sure..." James said his face falling slightly. I smiled and led him to a corner of the library that no one ever goes and that I knew Madam Pince couldn't see. "So where's this book?" he asked. I just smile at him and pushed him against a stack of books and kissed his lips. He grabbed me closer to him as we continued to kiss. He pushed me against a stack of books and his kisses became more passionate. I couldn't control myself. I had never felt such amazing feelings in my life.

When we finished our snogging session we straightened our clothes and walked back to where we had left our stuff. We noticed however that the rest of the Marauders, Mary, Marlene, Alice, and Frank were all sitting there pretending to be working but were obviously talking about James and I. "You know Ms. Evans I never pictured you to be one that snogged in the library" Sirius said with an amused smile on his face. I rolled my eyes at him but when I looked at the girls they all had faces that asked for details and I sighed. "So Mr. Potter what was it like to finally snog Ms. Evans?" Sirius asked trying not to laugh at the dreamy expression on James' face.

"So Lily are you gonna tell us all the juicy details?" Marlene asked and I sighed. I told you I was going to be right.

"Juicy details like what?" I asked trying to keep an expressionless face. "You all can't be that interested in James and I finally getting together."

"Are you kidding! It's like our very own soap-opera!" Mary squealed earning nods from everyone else. I looked at James who just shrugged at me.

"Well what do you guys wanna hear then?" I asked rolling my eyes and sitting down.

"Last night you were extremely upset what happened?" Alice asked.

"I had a talk with Remus about James and then James and I came here to do homework and talk" I shrugged.

"Aaaaannnnnddddddd?" Sirius asked.

"Well you three came in and ruined our moment" I said eying the other Marauders "And then I dragged James to the back corner where we were out of sight and we snogged a little more" I finished the blush returning to my cheeks.

"And what was it like?" The three girls asked simultaneously and Alice almost fell out of her chair and Frank caught her just before she hurt herself.

"Absolutely the most amazing thing ever!" James sighed dreamily earning 'awwws' from the girls.

"And what about you Lily-flower?" Sirius asked.

"Well...it...was...well..." I started completely embarrassed. Everyone's eyes were one me and I blushed deeply "It was...brilliant" I smiled "absolutely brilliant."


End file.
